AS her 16-year-old adopted daughter threatened her with a kitchen knife, Sophie Chambers feared she might die.
She and husband Tim knew that adopting wouldn’t be easy but never imagined such grave danger.
Sophie and husband Tim’s adoption dream turned into a nightmare as the siblings they welcomed into their home became violent (posed by model)[/caption]
Sienna would throw epic tantrums, threatened her adoptive family with a kitchen knife and smoked cannabis (posed by model)[/caption]
The siblings they had welcomed into their home as a baby and tot had turned violent.
Eventually, things got so bad, Sophie and Tim returned Sienna to care.
“I wouldn’t blame anyone for being shocked we made our child homeless,” Sophie says.
“People must think I’m a monster. But we had been put in an impossible position.”
According to Adoption England, around three per cent of adoptions are officially disrupted – meaning the children can’t stay with the adoptive parents.
Sophie and Tim, who wed in 2003, had always wanted a family.
But after battling infertility for five years, including three failed rounds of IVF, they adopted.
“We had good jobs,” says Sophie.
“Tim works as an IT manager and I’m in advertising. We live in a beautiful home in Cheshire. We had idyllic childhoods and thought we would replicate that.”
A year after starting the adoption process in 2008, the couple were matched up with siblings Sienna, two, and Jax, nine months.
Sophie recalls: “They’d suffered horrific abuse and we were told we would be able to access support — but it never came.”
On the day she brought the children home for the first time, she said: “We had been so excited. We spent hours playing with them, before bathing them and putting them to bed. We instantly loved them.”
But within a few weeks, things started to unravel.
“They were difficult children, but we didn’t go into this thinking it would be easy,” Sophie says.
‘Epic tantrums’
“Our daughter would throw epic tantrums, often lasting more than eight hours.
“The bedtime routine would regularly last until gone 2am.
“They’d been taken away from family after Jax sustained serious injuries and Sienna was found to have been physically abused.
“Their behaviour was terrible — they were mean and violent.
“On one occasion, my parents had put them to bed and they got up. When they told them to go back to bed, my son spat in his grandmother’s face.
“They also struggled to make friends. I tried to help them connect with peers and, for Jax’s 5th birthday party, we invited his whole class. Not a single child came. My heart broke.
Their behaviour was terrible — they were mean and violent
“Despite their behaviour, which we knew was the result of trauma, we loved them.
“We took them to dance and music lessons and on foreign holidays, but it made no difference.
“They often got into trouble at school, starting in primary school but escalating by the time they got to secondary.
“Our son took a penknife into class and our daughter walked out of lessons and backchatted.”
From when the children were as young as around six or seven, the couple begged social services for help, but were only sent on parenting courses.
Sophie was left with no choice but to make her adoptive daughter homeless, and reveals their relationship is now stronger (posed by model)[/caption]
‘Kids have incredibly tough starts’
EMILY FRITH, CEO of the charity Adoption UK said: “Adoption is a vital option for children unable to safely grow up with any member of their birth family. These are children with an incredibly tough start in life.
“They have the same potential as any other child, which is limitless.
“With the right support, adoptive families can flourish. Right now, there are still too many children who aren’t getting the support they deserve.
“We’re working hard with adoption agencies, schools, the NHS and government to champion adopted children and adult adoptees.”
Sophie says: “The best we got was a charity taking the kids for an hour every other month.
“By the time Sienna was 13, things were horrendous. She fell in with a bad crowd and started sneaking out at night.
“The first time she did it, I’d found her bed empty. I was in a panic, rang friends and the police. It was 24 hours before she came back. It happened again and again.
“She and her friends would steal alcohol and trash the house.”
The couple put locks on all their doors to stop Sienna breaking out at night.
“I’d walk round with keys, like a prison warden,” Sophie says. “We bought safes for our valuables.
“I was too scared to go into my own home. While I loved Sienna, I was also starting to hate her.
“Although both Sienna and Jax were very difficult, Jax handled his trauma in a more insular way — he’d refuse to come out of his room. But he didn’t get as violent with us as Sienna.”
Things became so unbearable, Sophie contemplated suicide.
People must think I’m a monster. But we had been put in an impossible position
She says: “I remember thinking about driving my car into a tree.
“I later told Tim, but other than to hold me and tell me he was there for me, there was nothing he could do. I knew he was at breaking point too.
“We both felt that the training we’d had around bringing up adopted children was wholly inadequate, but Tim and I had spent years doing our own research.
You’re Not Alone
EVERY 90 minutes in the UK a life is lost to suicide
It doesn’t discriminate, touching the lives of people in every corner of society – from the homeless and unemployed to builders and doctors, reality stars and footballers.
It’s the biggest killer of people under the age of 35, more deadly than cancer and car crashes.
And men are three times more likely to take their own life than women.
Yet it’s rarely spoken of, a taboo that threatens to continue its deadly rampage unless we all stop and take notice, now.
That is why The Sun launched the You’re Not Alone campaign.
The aim is that by sharing practical advice, raising awareness and breaking down the barriers people face when talking about their mental health, we can all do our bit to help save lives.
Let’s all vow to ask for help when we need it, and listen out for others… You’re Not Alone.
If you, or anyone you know, needs help dealing with mental health problems, the following organisations provide support:
- CALM, www.thecalmzone.net, 0800 585 858
- Heads Together,www.headstogether.org.uk
- HUMEN www.wearehumen.org
- Mind, www.mind.org.uk, 0300 123 3393
- Papyrus, www.papyrus-uk.org, 0800 068 41 41
- Samaritans,www.samaritans.org, 116 123
“If we’d had the right support, we might have been able to cope.
“When we told a social worker [Sienna] had been smoking cannabis, he said we should consider ourselves lucky it wasn’t more hardcore drugs.”
In May 2024, Sienna tried to walk out of the house on the day of a GCSE exam and Sophie put her foot down.
‘Couldn’t cope’
She recalls: “Sienna had run away for the night, and the police had just brought her back.
“We heard the friend she’d run away with back out on the street, shouting for Sienna to go back out with her. I was furious. I told her there was no way she was going out. She lost her temper worse than I’d ever seen it before.
“We were at the breakfast table, and she started screaming ‘Let me go!’ and grabbed a kitchen knife, waving it at all three of us and saying she was going to kill us.
“I honestly thought one of us was going to end up dead. Tim called 999 and a team of police officers burst into the house.
“The police arrested her, but the next day she came home.
“We knew we couldn’t risk that happening again. We had to protect ourselves and Jax, now 14.
“I rang social services and said we couldn’t cope. They said our only option was to make our daughter homeless.”
Reluctantly, Sophie drove Sienna to the council and did just that.
Sienna was crying and pleading to come home. It felt like the biggest betrayal I could make
She says: “Sienna was crying and pleading to come home. It felt like the biggest betrayal I could make.
“We were both in tears. I told her we loved her but this is the only way we could help her now.”
Sienna was moved into supported living, and the couple see her every few weeks.
Sophie says: “Our relationship is stronger since she moved out. At times, the guilt is impossible. Jax fears we will do the same to him, however much we reassure him.”
The couple have since found online support group PATCH, which helps adoptive families.
Sophie says: “I hope by sharing our story, it may help other families going through similar.”
- Names have been changed
How does adoption work?
In the UK, there is lengthy process involved with adopting a child and it can take up to six months for the paperwork to be finalised.
To even be considered, you have to meet the following criteria:
- You must be over 21
- You must be a legal resident of the UK for at least 12 months.
- No criminal convictions – especially any related to the endangerment of children. This applies to everyone your household.
You will also have to go through an inital background check and assesment, which will consider whether you are the right fit for adoption.
Potenital parents will also have undergo training and a process to match them with the right child.
