Katlego Sekhu
A listener is upset that her mother used her lobola money to help her sisters pay off their debts.
She is frustrated because she had planned to use that money for her white wedding.
Her mother made this decision without consulting her, and she also feels that her mother has not been as present for her as she has been for her siblings.
Reaching out to The Best T in the City with Tbose, Anonymous wants to know if she is being unreasonable for feeling this way.
“Uncle T, over time, my relationship with my mother has become strained, toxic, and emotionally confusing. I often feel rejected and misunderstood. No matter how much love and effort I pour into my family, it feels dismissed… sometimes even trampled upon.
“My husband and I paid for five tombstones for my grandparents and relatives. When the unveiling date was being discussed, I shared our availability. My mother intentionally chose a date she knew we’d be travelling and unable to attend. When others questioned it, she brushed it off, saying “ketla ipona” – implying that because we were travelling for leisure, it didn’t matter.
“After my lobola, it was agreed that the money would go into a long-term savings account for my white wedding. Without telling me, she withdrew all the funds and gave the money to my sisters to settle their debts – money that was never repaid. The humiliation of scrambling to pay wedding suppliers still sits heavily in my chest.
“She refuses to help with my child when I need support, yet she lives with and supports my younger sister’s four children. I’ve invited her on four vacations – two for her birthdays – and each time she cancelled at the last minute. The pattern feels like rejection. Like, I don’t matter to her. I’ve considered distancing myself to protect my peace, but she’s my mother. I don’t want war – I want healing. I want to address this respectfully, without escalating things.
“How do you confront a parent about a tough conversation without disrespecting them? Is it ever okay to step back from a parent to protect your emotional well-being? And is there a blind spot I might not be seeing – something in me that keeps this dynamic alive? Because right now, I feel torn between honour… and hurt.”
To hear the full blind spot, listen to the podcast.
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The post ‘My mother used my lobola money without telling me’ – The Blind Spot appeared first on KAYA 959.
