What began as an attempt to teach responsibility has turned into a family standoff
Katlego Sekhu
A mother shares that her daughter had her first child in her teens, something that brought deep disappointment to the family. When her daughter fell pregnant again at 22, she chased her out of the house.
At the time, the situation created a serious rift between her and her husband. He believed she had enabled their daughter’s behaviour by being too much of a friend and not enough of a parent. The conflict eventually contributed to the breakdown of their marriage and led to their divorce.
Today, her daughter lives with her grandmother. The mother believes the grandmother may be enabling the same behaviour she once tried to stop. She says her decision to chase her daughter away was meant to force her to take responsibility for her life.
“Uncle T, my daughter had her first child when she was 19. I was deeply disappointed because I had her at that age too, and I made sure she didn’t repeat my mistake, but she did. When she was 22, she told me she was pregnant again. I chased her out of the house. The truth is, her first pregnancy had already created a huge rift between my husband and me. He felt I had enabled our daughter by being too much of a friend to her instead of a parent. At the time, I chose to stand by my daughter – but that conflict eventually contributed to our divorce.
“We struggled to find common ground as parents, especially since we also have two younger daughters. After I chased her out, my daughter moved in with my mother. I still supported them from a distance, but the divorce left me hurt, broke and resentful, and some of that resentment spilt over onto my other daughters. The situation hasn’t improved much. My eldest daughter still refuses to go back to school and seems more focused on partying than building a future.
“I told my mother that while I understand she couldn’t turn her granddaughter away, she has also played a role in enabling her behaviour. In January, I stopped sending my mother money because I felt she needed to be firmer with my daughter and to stop carrying the burden while my daughter continues to live irresponsibly. A few weeks ago, one of my mother’s neighbours called me and said my mom has been asking them for basic things – mealie meal, milk, sugar. Hearing that hurt and embarrassed me deeply. But at the same time, l’ve warned my mom many times that she’s too old to be raising my daughter and her children while my daughter galavants.
“Now I’m torn. Should I just go back to helping my mom financially? Am I unfairly treating her and taking my anger toward my daughter out on her… or am I justified in trying to force some accountability in this situation? What could be my blind spot?”
To hear the full blind spot, listen to the podcast.
Read Next: Over 100,000 two-pot withdrawals in days. Are South Africans losing faith in retirement?
The post ‘My mother keeps supporting my irresponsible daughter’ – The Blind Spot appeared first on KAYA 959.
