Mapaballo Borotho
Author Hope Pooe has offered a refreshing and personal perspective on the often-misunderstood relationship between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law in her tribute book dedicated to her own mother-in-law.
Pooe says her motivation to write the book stemmed from the positive and respectful relationship she shared with her mother-in-law – a reality that stands in stark contrast to the common narrative where mothers-in-law are often labelled “monsters-in-law”.
She explains that she wanted to place this experience in the public domain, particularly because many people struggle with strained relationships in this space.
“I wanted to offer a unique perspective on the relationship between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law,” Pooe said.
According to the author, the book is inspired by the need to return to basic values in a world facing a moral and relational crisis.
“The word is exercising positive strategies to foster a harmonious connection. That’s what inspired me to write this book. We are in a crisis in the world and we need to go back to the basics,” she said.
Pooe acknowledges that marriage is a complex institution, particularly within African families. She notes that for many women, marriage is not just a union with a husband, but with his entire family.
“In an African context, a woman often leaves her home, her surname and her way of doing things to adopt the culture and responsibilities of her husband’s family,” she said.
She adds that for many women, fitting into their new family can feel overwhelming, especially when navigating the bond between a husband and his mother.
“I could be overwhelmed by this person that my husband really loved, but I also understood that my husband would always be my mother-in-law’s first love. The love they share is different from the relationship I have with him,” she explained.
Pooe emphasises the importance of boundaries and understanding roles within a marriage.
“It is very important to stay in your lane and know your place as a wife. I will take care of my husband and my mother-in-law, and my mother-in-law also needs to stay in her lane and understand that she now has a daughter,” she said.
She cautions against the belief that a mother becomes irrelevant once her son gets married.
“People often go into marriages thinking the mother no longer matters, and that’s not how it works. A mother’s love will always be there and it is quite complicated,” Pooe said.
The book, she adds, highlights the importance of boundaries in maintaining healthy family relationships and reminds readers that not all mothers-in-law fit the negative stereotype.
To hear the full interview, listen to the podcast…
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