Katlego Sekhu
Anonymous shares that her father cheated on her mother with one of her friends, and their family has been fractured ever since. She and her mother moved out and went to live with her aunt.
Years later, her mother is trying to rebuild her life. However, Anonymous has not fully forgiven her father, while he expects her to apologise. He describes her decision to move out with her mother as disrespectful and an interference in adult matters.
Reaching out to The Best T in the City with Tbose, Anonymous wants to know whether there are any blind spots she may be overlooking.
“My mother discovered that my father had been cheating on her with one of her friends. I was 22 at the time. My mother and I left home to stay with my grandmother and my mom’s aunt. My brother was already living on his own. From that moment, my life changed in ways I didn’t yet fully understand.
“I chose to distance myself from my father, not to punish him, but because I was grieving the man I thought he was, the family I believed we had, and the safety of the home I knew. Standing by my mother felt like the only solid ground I had. In early 2023, my father’s family apologised and asked us to return home. My mother refused, even when elders encouraged reconciliation.
“Then, late last year, my uncle (mom’s brother) passed away. My father was very present during that time, and I believe that loss reopened a door between my parents. By January this year, my mother told me she had decided to return home. I wasn’t ready. I hadn’t processed my grief, let alone forgiven my father. When my mother left without me, something inside me broke. I stayed behind with my grandmother.
“What I’m realising now is that I’ve been grieving multiple losses at once: the loss of my family as I knew it, the loss of my home, the loss of my relationship with my father, and now the loss of my mother’s presence in my life. Yet everyone seems to be moving forward while I’m still trying to catch my breath.
“My father believes I should apologise for involving myself in what he calls “adult matters.” My brother and grandmother agree. I wasn’t interfering; I was mourning. I was a daughter trying to make sense of a family that fell apart. I’m not working right now, and the lack of support since my mother left has deepened that sense of abandonment. I want my family back. I want to go home. But I don’t want to do so by pretending that nothing was lost, or that I wasn’t deeply wounded in the process. So my question is this: is apologising the same as healing? Or am I being asked to move on before I’ve been allowed to grieve? Is it possible to return home without denying my pain? What is my Blindspot here?”
To hear the full blind spot, listen to the podcast.
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The post ‘My dad has been cheating on my mom with her best friend’ – The Blind Spot appeared first on KAYA 959.
